Baby, you've come a long way..

I had a point.

I really did. I came to this very website fully intending to write something that was right there. You know what I mean. It was there, on the forefront of my mind, at the tip of my tongue, just BEGGING me to put it down on paper.

I really did have a point.

But as with most things in my life, change is inevitable. My daddy always says that I chase a lot of rabbits. What he means by that, in case you aren't fluent in country plain speak, is that I get distracted. Easily. By things people say, by things I see, by my own thoughts...it just happens. And so i jump, from one "rabbit" to the next. Usually never catching any of them, but enjoying myself thoroughly, often at the confusion of my peers.

And so with this blog.

Truth be know, I forgot I even HAD this blog. I've been reading my friend Sam's writings, and tonight as I sat in an empty quiet house with only the dog for company, the sound of a ticking clock in my ears, and the smoke from my burning cigarette clouding my vision, I decided to write.

I use to write all the time. And obviously a few years ago I had been prompted to start again on this very blog! But, as with most things, and in line with my rabbit chasing's I walked away. My blog became much like a discarded rag that one forgets they even own.

So I had a point, you see? I came here expressively to write about something. And then...

And then..

Well, and then I saw my old posts. And I was curious, ya know? Wondered what had been on my mind three years ago. So i read them.

That's when my point changed.

It changed because...well, because I didn't recognize the girl that wrote those posts. I mean, I did...but I didn't. I read them with the interest that one has when finding a diary that is not their own. I read them sitting here, today. And this was a girl so far removed from the woman that sits here today. It was a bit mind boggling, to be honest with you.

Floods of memory came back for some of those posts, and other's...well I'm not sure if it's age, or importance, but I didn't have the foggiest idea of what I'd been talking about. I'm thinking it's probably the importance factor more so then age. It brings to mind the  old quip of "Well, will it really matter five years from now?"

Tee hee...Oh and I know me. Yes, I know me better then anyone. And let me tell you, I can almost readily assure you that at the time i wrote these blogs, it did matter damnit. It mattered more then anyone could ever understand (insert dramatic whalings here).

And yet, it didnt. Because whatever was on my mind in 2009, that was so important that i freakin had to blog about it, doesn't even register in the ol' cluebox today in 2012.

So yeah. My point changed.

It's funny isn't it? The things we find important. And the people that we think we are. It's like we recognize the changes that will occur from childhood to adolescence. And again from adolescence to young adulthood. But for some reason we are so convinced that by the time we hit out early 20's we've got it all figured out. And that we just are who we are. We won't change. Maybe we'll age, but inevitably, who we've become is just IT.

Guess what? It's not.

It's not at all. And the best part of recognizing this little factor, is that you also realize that who you are today...i mean RIGHT NOW....well, that's gonna change, too.

And that's GREAT.

I mean it. It's absa-stinki-lutely GREAT. I'm so so so so (you get the idea, yes?) pleased that I am not who I was in 2009. Aww man PRAISE JESUS!!! Because without change, there is no growth.

And we gotta grow, guys. I mean there's just no way around it. You should want to grow. Everyday you should want to wake up just a little bit more then you were the day before. That allows for true experience in life.

I mean, let me explain by self examination....that post about that boy with that kid? Yeah. guess what...that absolutely didnt last. He was FOR SURE not "the one". LOL. and the girl that was so excited to write about him, well..she figured that  out...probably like a month after she wrote that post. If it even made it a month. The details are a bit foggy.

And she was sad. I remember that girl. Yeah, she was pretty unhappy. But that same girl made it through the rest of that year and ended up meeting a pretty amazing guy.

He wasn't perfect either, mind you. There were still some things that had to be worked through and worked out. But they did. Because that girl grew up, and that guy she met? Well he wasn't a boy. He was a man.

And we've now been together nearly three years. Going strong. I wouldn't trade him for anything.  I love him more then words can say.

I live for today, in my relationship with Charlie. I don't worry about the what if's anymore. Or get bent out of shape about our future plans. I don't care about future plans. Well, let me rephrase that...i care, but what WILL be is not more important to me then what IS. Today I'm happy. And if tomorrow isn't easy, then he and I will work that out then. We just take it as it comes.

Does that sound like the same girl from that blog in 2009? Nope. Because I CHANGED. I GREW. I EXPERIENCED. I just...woke up. And each day I wake up a bit more.

Same goes for all that job drama. And oh was it drama. Sheew. I left that awful place. I bounced around here and there. And a year ago, I sorta fell back into school. Always said I'd go back, never thought it'd be in this particular direction, but then again, you know what they say, "While we make plans, God laughs."

I went back thinking I'd pursue Art therapy. Instead, I'm about to start graduate school this fall working towards my Master of Science in Social Work. I might end up utilizing some art therapy in my practice, but I discovered I have a passion for people that drives me much more then my passion for art ever did.

So yeah, in a couple years, I should be well on my way to becoming a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, with the intent of becoming a Therapist. But as I've well learned, just because that's my plan, doesn't make it so. Again, I'm just taking it day by day, letting the cards fall as they may. Whatever will be, will be. I'm just along for the ride, ya know?

My point changed. And I'm glad for it. I'm not even sure what I was planning on writing really (there goes those rabbits!), but I'm thankful for the direction that it went. It's good to reflect. Life has a funny way of showing you where you were and how very far you've come.

Baby, you've come a long way...