A journey to the ten pound lighter version of me.

Today is June 20th, 2013. It's a Thursday. There's not really much special about today. It's not a birthday or an anniversary. It's not the beginning of a season or a month. It's not a holiday. However, it's going to be an important date. It's the day I began a journey to the ten pounds lighter version of me.

Ten pounds may also seem pretty insignificant. Ten pounds is a lot like June 20th, 2013. It's going to be a big deal. It's going to be a big deal because first of all....I could really stand to lose ten pounds. But I could really  really really stand to lose a LOT more than ten pounds. And so that is where I'll start. Because I can lose ten, then I can lose 20. If i can lose 20, well shoot then I can lose 30, right?? Right! However, if you were to ask me today "So, can you lose 30 pounds?" my answer would have to be "um...yes. absolutely. If pigs can grow wings and fly, then I can lose 30 pounds." And of course I'd say that statement in my most dead-pan of voices while rolling my eyes and thinking  how I can believe you'd ask a chunky monkey like myself such a stupid question.

The point is...30 pounds or 50 pounds or 80 pounds....whatever the total amount is ANY of us need to lose, it's pretty daggum daunting. I am not going to set myself up for failure. I'm not about to start thinking of the mountain that needs to be climbing before I manage to get over the hill that comes before it.

So yeah...today on a pretty insignificant day, I'm making a goal to lose a pretty insignificant amount of weight. Oh and to make it sound even more ho-hum?? I'm not even setting a date of when I plan to reach it. Sheeeew. No, son!

Here's what I figure. I'll make a plan. I'll do part of that plan each day. I'll monitor what goes in my mouth. I'll say a little prayer. I'll blog a little blog and I'll just see what happens.

Sometimes people just work better without a plan. That's sorta how I started my journey to becoming a reformed smoker. I didn't prep, like they always say. I didn't taper down. I didn't set a quit date. I just freaking quit. And I've slipped up here and there. But guess what? Whenever I have, I didn't throw my hands up in the air and say "Well, oops. I screwed up, might as well go back to being a smoker!" Nope, I just accepted that I slipped up and picked up where I left off.

So far that seems to be working best for me. I've been quit over a month (approx a month and a week.) and during that time I've had the equivalent of two packs. Trust me, compared to a pack and a half a day habit that I used to have, that's pretty much winning.

I feel like I've gotten a fairly good handle on the cigarette habit. So now, it's time to tackle these extra pounds. I'm not sure where they came from to be honest with you. Okay that's a lie....I know where they came from...stress eating, not exercising regularly, far too much fast-food and "convenience" eating and a lack of structure in mealtimes all contributed to all these extra pounds. However, I swear I didn't really know it was happening. One day I'm in the best shape of my life and the next I am struggling to do one flippin sit up.

But it's okay. I'm aware. I'm going to do something about it. Starting today. Don't know how long it'll take me, but I'm making an effort. And that's all one can do.

Tonight I began a thirty day ab challenge. 15 sit-ups, 5 crunches, 5 leg raises and an attempt at a 10 second plank (yeah, sadly I made it 6 sec. and fell on my face. pushed back up for 4 more seconds....i realize this equals 10, but I don't think that's how you're supposed to do it.)

Then I did a brisk 6 minute walk. (Again, i realize that sounds weak, but it is what it is.)

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I'm shocked in a lot of ways at exactly how out of shape I've gotten. Again, I can't say that I can't understand how it happened. But I am an active person. I'm constantly moving around and doing something. However I have absolutely no strength. Trying to do 15 situps was ridiculously hard. Planking was an epic fail. At this point I cant even imagine a 20 minute jog.

But we all must start somewhere. So embarrassing or not....i'm going to not only do this journey but attempt to blog about it. If it's read, so be it. If it's not, then at least I'll have it. To look back over as I continue on. Reminding me of where I started and where I'm going.

I just want to be healthier. I want to be in better shape. I want to fit into my clothes and not huff and puff when I walk up a flight of stairs. I'd like my feet to quit hurting, and my back to quit aching. I'd like to sleep better and just FEEL better.

So it begins: a journey to a ten pound lighter version of me....and then who knows??

"Time to Quit"

I've been a "former smoker" for about three weeks now. Don't get me wrong, I've had a couple smokes within that three week period. None-the-less, I've not bought any and I am definitely not beating myself up for the few I've had when I compare it to my former pack and a half a day habit.

Yesterday at work, a co-worker asked me, "So Alice, what made you want to quit smoking?"

For about two minutes I just stared at her. Not because I'm soft in the head and didn't understand the question, not because I was angry that she'd asked, but because...well to be honest, I'm still not entirely sure.

I know it's been much easier this time 'round, then it has been in the past. Perhaps that's because my boyfriend also made the decision to quit. Perhaps it's because I was simply tired of smelling like an ashtray, or having no taste buds. Of course, those things were sorta unbeknownst to me. One can't smell their own ashy-ness and you lose your taste so slowly that you kind of don't realize you've lost it.

Perhaps I was tired of waking up hacking my lungs out, or feeling sticky and coated in nicotine anytime I worked up a sweat. Maybe I didn't want to lose my breath so easily. Or it could have even been that deep down I was trying to take better control of my health and stop the habit before cancer took me over. Yet, I'm still waking up stuffy because of allergies, and the pollution that is in the air still manages to make me feel sticky and gross. I really should lose some weight because I still gasp for breath, and as far as preventing cancer goes...well, I've got so much cancer in my family tree that I still may end up with it.

When you are a smoker, nicotine does tend to rule your life. Everything revolves around your smoke break- from getting up in the morning, to what you choose to eat (or DONT eat), to socialization, all the way to doing your daily deed in the bathroom! ( True.Story.)

Unconciously, you choose your friends around your habit, where you socialize with those friends and other habits and vices can be made worse because of it and it can be made worse in the presence of other habits. For example, I know people who may only smoke a few times a day really unless they are out drinking. If they have plans to go out to a bar, they have to plan for that and their survival pack will include multiple packs of their smoke of choice. And most of them will drink more as long as they have their smokes handy, once the cigarettes are gone and there is no way to get another- well the drinking will stop. Why? Because eventually the addiction kicks in and your need for a smoke is far greater then your desire to stay and drink. Ironically enough, most people will never be faced with that situation because it seems like everyone at the bars drinking has cigarettes and drunk smokers are very accommodating. They wont mind to bum ya, just so they don't lose the company.

So maybe that is part of my reason for quitting...i grew tired of my life being dictated by a habit. But honestly, our lives are all dictated by something. Do I suddenly feel free-er as a non-smoker? Not really....now I have to be more careful of where I go and who I'm around in order to avoid triggering my urge to smoke.

Some days I really miss my smokes. Like this morning, for instance. Sitting here drinking my coffee and reflecting, I imagine that a cigarette would be just wonderful right now. But instead I take a deep breath and allow myself to truly enjoy the taste of my coffee. With each inhalation, the smell of "home" floats into my body relaxing me far more then the nicotine ever did. As I think over the last three weeks combatting this addiction, self-confidence surges through my veins. I am kicking a habit that I've had for ten years. That's a big deal. If i can quit smoking, what else can't I do? I think of the money that I've been able to stretch further over the course of the past three weeks, then I ever usually can. And with each passing moment of being a former smoker, I'm able to imagine that many more moments of being a former smoker.

I flash back to that moment when my coworker asked "So Alice, what made you want to quit smoking?"

I stared at her for two minutes blankly and then replied, "It was just time."

And as each moment passes, I'm reminded of the truth of this statement more and more.

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